The other day, I posted the first in a two part series with tips for working with children who’ve experienced trauma. Below is the second and final part of that series. Over the next few weeks I’ll expound on a few of the topics as there’s just too much in each one for a few sentences.
Read part one of the series here.
6. Communicate frequently and honestly with parents. Are you a babysitter, family member, teacher? One of the best ways to work with a child with trauma is to communicate behaviors you observe, challenges you’re facing, concerns you have with the parents. One of my children’s teachers and my wife text every day and frequently many times during the day. I can’t tell you how mutually beneficial it is. But, honesty is the key. And, a lack of sugar coating is essential.
7. There’s likely more going on than meets the eye. In Shrek there’s a scene where Shrek explains to Donkey that ogres are like onions because they not very open creatures and they have many emotional layers. I think of that every time that I think of how children are affected by trauma. We didn’t know most of the abuse until they were ready to discuss it. The layers get peeled off slowly over time and very rarely by any of our intervention. In other words, the child that’s quietly playing in front of you is very likely reliving a terrible incident right in front of you and you’ll never even know it.
8. Be slow reacting to situations. Because there are many layers, you have to be very careful in how you react to situations. Things are usually not always as they seem. Let’s take discipline for example. We deal with the behavior, but we also have to deal with the thought process behind the behavior. We don’t excuse poor choices, rude words or blatant disobedience, we deal with them. But, we have to go deeper and explore the feelings, thoughts, motivations and often times memories behind behaviors. Understanding triggers and sensory responses are also key.
9. Carefully consider developmental delays. It’s a sad but true reality. Abused and neglected children are expert survivors. They spend their early years struggling just to live. What don’t they do? Develop at the same pace as typically-developing children. Routine activities such as balance, speech, meal times, daily care, sleep and more are things that often suffer at the hand of the abusers. Carefully consider these when sizing up why a trauma-affected child is doing what it is they are doing or rather, why they’re not doing what they’re not doing.
10. LOVE THEM! There’s nothing more important, more powerful, more meaningful than to love them. Simply love on them and pour into them with everything you have. Love can’t erase the past, but it can secure their future. Sometimes, when there’s rage or behavior issues, that love can be a deliberate choice and it may have to manifest in tough fashions, but giving them your all is so crucial to their healing and success.
I hope this has been a helpful list. Please let me know about ideas you have for future posts.
Parenting Traumatized Children 